June 05, 2004

I am an artist

I attended my class at the museum this morning. Julia came. I am glad she decided to take this class with me...it will be fun to do something artsy together this summer. So, we talked about what we'd like to accomplish in the next eight weeks with our journaling. I have been thinking a lot about it. You'll have to forgive me if my thoughts don't come across real clear right now, because I am really tired...but you know, since I started this class in April, I have really been a lot happier...the reason for that is that everyday (or most days anyway) I have a chance to be creative, and most of all to draw. Sam has noticed a big difference and told me so last night. I also have a lot more he said energy, I say purpose. My journal has become a part of who I am. Until now I have been "wife," "mom," "teacher," but now I am beginning to see myself as "artist." The funny thing is that other people are beginning to see me that way too, and it's a very odd feeling. Putting my drawings online has shown people a side of me that they didn't know. I have never considered myself to be an artist. To me an artist is someone who is so passionate about art that they have to create. They can't NOT create art. I do not draw, paint or anything...I don't make any art except when people ask me to...or when I make an example of a project I am teaching my students. So I wasn't an artist...I possessed the talent and abilities to be an artist, but didn't use them. Now...it's different. I make art everyday. It's personal. It's not for anyone except me. I choose to share some of it with you. But it's never created with that in mind...my drawings are about my life everyday...things I see and experience. Some of them I create as an exercise...to practice my skills. Some of them have deep meaning to me. I find that drawing in my journal is becoming an obsession. I take my journal everywhere now. If I don't think I'll have time to draw in it, I leave it home...but I always am sad that I do and find myself trying to find something else to draw on...a card, a napkin, whatever I can...because I have to draw. I draw when I wait in line at the drive-thru, I draw when I am riding in the car, I have to draw...I have to make art. So I think I am becoming an artist. My student's have been watching me when I occassionaly will pull out my sketchbook and start drawing...they are very curious. I let them look at some of my drawings. They stand there amazed. (It doesn't take a lot to impress a first grader.) I took my sketchbook outside with me on friday when I had to help with field day. When I had a break I drew. I drew the tug-o-war and the kids rolling tires. I drew parents and siblings watching the students on the sidelines. Some of my students had to come and see. They ask me if I am an artist. I used to answer with, "I am an art teacher. I don't make art like artists do, but I could if I wanted to." Now when they ask me...I simply say "yes."


Blogger pedalpower said...

This is a great post Julie. I am not a teacher as you are, but I also had the same take on "artist" that you did--I drew when someone asked me too, when it was needed for something at church, but I was not driven the way I feel artists are. Others sometimes said I was an artist, but I thought of myself as someone with a knack for drawing. Now I am drawing pretty much everyday--and I am happier--heck I am even doing other things everyday that I always wanted to do (like exercising!). I take my journal everywhere. I am starting to feel like I *am* an artist.

11:35 PM  

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